Winter, 1998 Vignettes:  Thoughts and Feelings People ask my thoughts on many subjects, and because so much of what I do or feel has been molded through the processes of hard work and my myriad experiences on many levels, my answers frequently require more than the casual reply some expect.  I am sure this reflects how deeply I feel about what I do and, as importantly, how well I do it!  I  always have been a thinker, ruiminating on the "whats," "whys" and "wherefores" in my life, my music and my relationships with people. This helps me explore myself in order to understand my own evolution. Having such rich experiences in my life and musical career through exposure to - and performance with - so many great people has taught me much. It's just as important today that I remain open to everything around me and continue to learn and grow.  Here  are some things that I've been thinking about and my feelings concerning them:  Dialogues/Poetry In recent times, the environment around Jazz has been altered considerably by the tools of marketing and a view that it should be sold like "pop" music. For many players, becoming a "star" or acquiring fame seems to be their vision of what the music will produce for them.  But those of us who grew up seeing this music as the ultimate expression of our innermost feelings think of Jazz as an art form and the fulfillment of a dream, and we hold the playing of this music as a sacred act.  Truly, the almost-religious experience in this music (that emanates from deep inside all of us) is much like the inner voice from within that speaks, if only we allow it to do so.  Playing this music is - or should be - a dialogue for those who find in the music the ability to let loose the muses in their soul, the poetry that they cannot express through the written word. I feel the most sophisticated form of musical communication transpires in surroundings in which musicians are able reach that internal place where music becomes poetry.  Attempting this, one is drawn to other musicians with whom one is able to develop a very deep relationship in order to be able to take the music to that place.  The discovery of these "others" and the melding of the musical and personal relationships that follow become some of the ultimate experiences and great joys in the playing of this music.  Dinner At Ed's Pianist Joe LoCascio and I met through our mutual friendship with drummer Ed Soph. The three of us work together quite often, and, when doing so in the Dallas area, we stay in Carol and Ed Soph's home. Our deep friendship really developed during those times when we were afforded the opportunity to "hang out" together and learn of each other on many levels. These times are, in a certain sense, like being on the road, when you spend all of your time together. A typical day may include a long period talking over coffee in the morning with a brunch followed many times by an afternoon spent going to a great used book and CD store. Then, usually in the late afternoon, Joe and I will get to the piano where we will play and rehearse, because we can't seem to be far from the music for too long a period of time.  But, dinner at Ed's is special because Carol, a wondeful cook, will provide us with a repast that always is appropriate for sending us off to an evening doing the thing we love most, playing our music. The food, the companionship experienced during the day, the conversation and repartee - all make  dinner a special experience. But the postlude to this is that, when preparing dinner for us, Carol fixes enough for two meals; what transpires after the gig, after the playing is done, is an intrinsic part of the musical evening as well, a special time.  Upon our return, the three of us will go to the 'fridge to prepare a recapitulation of dinner....."Del Segno al Coda"! We'll sit at the kitchen table enjoying each other's company, relaxing as we consume the food and imbibe a "frosty friend," while returning to those moments we felt were particularly inspiring. We also share our thoughts about those things we felt were lacking or beyond us at the time to transcend, and resolve to find a new way, another approach that will carry us further along the journey to fulfill our quest. But mostly we sit and tell stories as we eat our second supper, talking and laughing till the wee hours and enjoying being together on both personal and musical levels; it's just "dinner at Ed's".  Bootlegs   Although I do not often post to the Internet lists to which I subscribe, I sometimes do feel moved by some of the discussions. Recent postings on bootleg recordings among subscribers of the Stan Kenton list have given me pause to think on this and like subjects.  People on these lists seem to be always speaking of some new CD they just bought by an artist, usually who has passed on, whose music was unknowlingly recorded by someone at a concert. These "fans" are very proud of this illegal acquisition, which was neither  approved or sanctioned by the artist and for which neither the artist or any of the muicians working with him were compensated.  Some people feel justified in acquiring such material for archival or historical purposes. Others justify their actions because they are so enamored of said artist and his or her sidemen that they must have the product, regardless of who may have been - or may be - hurt by it. What most "fans" don't examine is that someone took these people's labors, refused to pay them -  and then received profit from that work.  How many people would like to go to work only to discover that they were not going to be paid for their work! What a ludicrous thought! And, yet, many feel it is not really a matter of any consequence if musicians aren't paid fairly. If musicians are ripped off for a CD or two, it's no big deal  because "they love what they do, and they have so much fun doing it!"  But as a musician on bootleg recordings - and as one who knows many others whose work has been taken without remuneration, I can tell you that we all resent the hell out of it, even though few will say so quite so loudly.  People who buy bootleg CDs support these thieves and thumb their noses at the musicians, those they say they revere so highly! The reasoning that without the bootleggers that music would never be heard has no validity.  Most of the artists would never sanction this kind of thing for musical or contractual reasons. And while some would not care, most artists would not want to see his or her sidemen treated in such a way, both for artistic and humanitarian reasons.  The persons who suffer and lose the most in this scenario are the players, the ladies and gentlemen who make the music.  Because most musicians don't have the legal resources to protect themselves, they are at the mercy of anyone able to record their performances surreptitiously. Those who commit such acts have no feeling for those whom they are robbing of their art and livelihood. Their thoughts are best summed up in the phrase, "Who cares about the musicians anyway!"  Most musicians are like other members of society; persons with kids to put through school who are trying to be productive for their families and in their communities, self-sufficient persons who continue to practice the art that so many loudly applaud. For professional musicians, our art, our music, is all we have, the principal source of our livelihood. We are not people of wealth; like everyone else, we need to make a living.  The only real power we have are the fans; only if they felt strongly enough about this issue to refuse to support these bootleggers. How can musicians be expected to maintain their integrity if their fans are not willing to exhibit the same through their own actions? That bears some heavy thought. We musicians have dedicated our lives to that which so many of you say you so deeply love and support. Our only real power is your willingness to say, "No!" to bootleg recordings.

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